Category Archives: Scrubs Magazine

The top 10 funniest explanations your patients have given you

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Sometimes patients just do some wonderfully weird stuff. From the crazy things they try when they’re alone to the odd things they tell you, our patients have been known to make us laugh on more than one occasion! We got to wondering about the explanations they give you for why they’re hospitalized in the first place and what, exactly, they’re doing right now—so we asked our Facebook fans for the funniest excuses and explanations their patients have tried to give them. Which of these have your patients used on you before?

The top 10 funniest explanations your patients have given you

1. An elderly woman came in because she had “fireballs of the universe.” She was very insistent! It took us a few to realize she had fibroids of the uterus! —Kathy Berg

2. Working a 28-day MICA program, we had to check in all belongings, since it’s an addiction unit. Imagine our surprise when we found a bunch of Viagra that a female patient had on check-in! When asked, she responded, “I’ll be damned if my ol’ man is going to be out cheating while I’m in here!” LOL! Sounded quite logical to us. —Tonya Snodgrass Hendershot

3. I had a patient refuse to use her O2 for fear of “getting addicted.” I told her, “Hon, that happened the second you were born; hold your breath and see how long you can go without it. Now put it on please?” She did! —Roxy Dengler-Hauck

4. In the ER, a patient came in with a carrot inside his rectum. When asked to explain, he said, “I fell over in the garden.” —Jodie Priestley

5. Cardiologist to patient: “You need to quit smoking.” Patient to cardiologist: “I will quit smoking 10 minutes after I am cremated.” Too funny. I don’t think the doc liked it too much… —Jodi Cacioppo Stoafer

6. I got a call from our local 911 dispatch stating that they had my patient on the phone, requesting a ride home. When I went back to her room and asked her why she would call them, she said it was because that’s how she got to the hospital, and figured that’s how she’d get home, too. I was thinking to myself, “Reeeeeeaaaaaally?” —Christina Hope Combs

7. A patient who tested positive for cocaine said she was cleaning her bathroom and the cocaine must have been in the Comet…oh lordy. —Morgan Jarrard

8. I had a young male TBI patient saying that his sprinkler was sprinkling. I lifted up his sheet and noticed he was urinating…yep, his sprinkler was sprinkling all right. —Cherie Francis

9. In the NICU we had lots of transports from a smaller town in a neighboring state. I asked a young mother one time why we had so many babies from there. She said, “Well, we don’t have cable.” —Gayle Sherman

10. “Jesus told me to keep pressing the call button.” —Danielle Louque Arceneaux

What’s the funniest explanation or excuse a patient has ever tried to give you?

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5 lessons from nursing greats of the past

Source: – by Cynthia Dusseault – iStockphoto | Thinkstock

Many of those who have walked the hallowed halls of hospitals before you have forged unique paths in nursing history.

What lessons can you take from their journeys and their experiences?

Here are five lessons from five greats.

1. Strive for change when change is warranted. (Florence Nightingale)
Born to an aristocratic family, Florence Nightingale could have lived a life of leisure. To the dismay of her parents, she rejected many wealthy suitors as a young woman and decided to follow what she considered her divine calling: nursing. For the British Army, this was a good thing because when Nightingale went to Turkey in the mid-1850s to nurse British soldiers in an army hospital there, she was appalled by the sanitation conditions and rallied for change.

The military wasn’t pleased with her “criticism” of their procedures and basically ignored her at first. Using a contact at the The Times in London, Nightingale got an editor on board her cause, and when her concerns were publicized and subsequently received some attention from the government, she was permitted to make changes to improve sanitation in the army hospital.

This reduced the death rate of soldiers. For her entire nursing career, Nightingale continued to focus on hospital reform that improved conditions for patients. Rocking the boat when it’s in the best interest of your patients is a good thing.


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